Tag Archives: mom

Seven Thoughts I Have When I’m Engorged

 

When people asked me during my pregnancy if I was planning to breastfeed I always responded, “I’ll give it a whirl, and if I can’t, I’ll just give her formula.” Brushing it off like it wasn’t a big deal to me.  I’ve heard that breastfeeding was hard, so I didn’t want to put too much pressure on myself to do it in case I was not able to.

Well, I’m able to. Not only am I able to…I love it! I love the bonding experience, the angle at which I can see her (and no one else can get that angle!), and the fact that my body can produce the nourishment she needs in order to grow and thrive.

As much as I love it, I’ve learned to deal with some downsides of breastfeeding, in particular: Engorgement!  Here are seven things that go through my mind when I’m engorged:

1) Am I…? Yep!

karen mean girls boobs

It starts out innocent enough. I know it has been a few hours since I last nursed or pumped, so I give the girls a feel. Lumpy? Check! Hurts to move? Check! Hard as rocks? Check…Yikes!

2) I can’t believe my boobs right now!

jennifer garner 13 going on 30

This statement is two-fold: A) I can’t believe how good they look! I’m a member of the itty bitty committee, and to look down and see that cleavage is mind blowing! B) I can’t believe I have two massive boulders on my chest right now. How is this physically possible, and why didn’t anyone warn me?

3) Am I leaking?

breastmilk_leaking

Now that I’ve successfully determined that I’m engorged I need to make sure I’m not leaking. I usually am, but I wear nursing pads regularly so I’m not dripping through my shirt.  Given my “mombie” status as of late, I need to triple check they are there. Those things can really only handle so much, sometimes they get soaked!

4) Maybe I should pump?

chelsea teen mom

When engorgement hits, I urgently think of if I can relieve myself. If I wake up in the middle of the night from the pain, I go back-and-forth in my head about either being too exhausted to pump, or if I get up and start pumping will my baby start wailing because of good old Murphy and his law! Typically, I stay in bed, stay awake because I’m in pain, then baby wakes up shortly.

5) Ugh..I’m done breastfeeding!

sammi jersey shore

I set a goal of breastfeeding for a year, and on days where I’m engorged, and can’t get rid of my clogged ducts, I toy with the idea of waving the white flag. I work full time, and am pumping in the Mothers Room three times a day, which is not as efficient as feeding baby, so more times than not, I’m walking around uncomfortable.

6) Eh, the discomfort is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

that 70s show

Mom guilt really sets in when I start to think about giving up. I think to myself that the discomfort is just a minor sacrifice I can make for her to benefit from breastfeeding.

7) She’s ready!

18233606

Is that a cry I hear? Time to go feed my daughter…And get some relief!

 

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Dear 2016…

You sick son of a bitch.

Not only did you claim the coolest celebrities like David Bowie and Prince, but you also turned the United States of America into a trashy reality television show.

You challenged me in ways I never thought possible. You changed my life’s narrative. The dreams I had for this year all took sharp left turns, and am left with lessons and stories to look back on to laugh and cry about.

2015 ended with me newly pregnant and a retired father on the verge of 69. I was elated my parents would be able to enjoy their new grandchild in the new year any day of the week. But 2016 laughed in my face and my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.

Once she healed from her hysterectomy, she was slated to start chemo a little over a month after that – June 13th.  She’d be smack in the middle of chemo around the time my baby was due, August 1st, and wanted more than anything for my mother to be able to hold my newborn. We were really unsure what her status would be at that point.  Her “last hurrah” so-to-speak was my baby shower on June 11th. She was no longer able to plan it, and was unsure if she would be up to even attend. But she did, and I was thrilled.

In a surprising turn of events, in the early morning hours of June 12th, my water broke and I gave birth to Sloane seven weeks early. You sneaky bastard, 2016. At least mom was able to get in some time with her new granddaughter before starting treatment!

Sloane spent 10 days in the NICU, and mom was not only able to see her the day she was born, but was well enough the next day after chemo to make another visit. Unfortunately that turned out to be the last day she got to see her for about two months. She had a bad reaction to her second day of treatment and became severely dehydrated and almost went into kidney failure. I was in the NICU with Sloane when my dad texted to tell me that mommy was in the hospital.

And there I was in the NICU with my newborn while my mom was in another hospital a few miles away. All I wanted was my mommy, but this was the first time I was a mommy, and my baby needed me. I learned only days into motherhood what my priority was, and my mom was understanding that I didn’t come see her in the hospital, she echoed my sentiments that Sloane is my priority. I called her everyday, though, crying, and giving updates on Sloane and getting updates on her.

As much as I’d like to give the middle finger to 2016, I’d also like to say “thank you.” Thank you for throwing me these situations. While I would have preferred they didn’t overlap, I’m grateful to have walked away from this year knowing my strength.

With that said, I leave you with Christina Aguilera’s Fighter:

 

 

 

Etsy: It’s All In The Details

My baby shower back in June turned out to be a big “to-do.” First my mom was going to handle everything, but then was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She was scheduled for surgery the month before, so we had to figure out a plan B. Enter my hubby and bestie!

I knew I wanted some level of involvement, so Steve kept me in the loop. Almost daily he would say, “Natascha emailed me things from Etsy again.” As my eyes grew wide with excitement, he would get puzzled. He doesn’t understand why girls love Etsy so much. Here’s my take – the uniqueness of the hand-made items add a personal touch, and I also like the thought of having something not many people have.  It’s all in the details, as they say, and Etsy is king of the details! Here are a few of my favorite Etsy details from the shower:

baby shower cake

This ballerina cake-topper was my FAVORITE! I was so excited when they showed it to me, and couldn’t wait to see it on the cake! Apparently whoever made the cake thought the cake-topper was bigger given how “Welcome Tiny Dancer” (HOW FITTING?!) is written, but it still looks beautiful!

baby shower chair decoration

Guys, this is so cute! I’m not really into the big gaudy chair, but Steve and Tasch wanted my chair to stand out ever so slightly. The pink and gold went with my color scheme, and the cut-out shape is perfectly detailed!

Baby shower photobooth

So this was the most unexpected thing they did – a photobooth! Who doesn’t love a photobooth?! Since there seemed to be an underlying theme of ballerinas, they included the phrasing, “tutu cute” on the back-drop, and got adorable little props!  Steve set up our camera and we all had a blast!